After a recent conversation with a friend about the mental and emotional challenges we’ve faced becoming first time business owners, I found myself reflecting on some of the scariest moments and events in my life; some of my “firsts” – a first date, the first day I brought my oldest daughter home from the hospital, the first day of college, the first time I taught a classroom full of young adults, and, ironically, the first time I became a business owner. I’ve obviously had many more “firsts”, but regardless of what they were, who they were with, or where I was, they all had one common enemy that I was forced to face and persevere beyond – FEAR.
When we even consider stepping outside of our comfort zone to do something for the first time, FEAR takes over like a mother whose child has been done wrong – it gets right up in our faces and scares the living daylights out of us to the point that, at times, we’re paralyzed – or we’re propelled to run for the hills. The fear of the unknown, the fear of potential failure and the fear of possible judgment – from both ourselves and others – literally strips us of our confidence and leads us to doubt everything we know about ourselves to be true.
It’s in those moments that we have a choice; our destiny is in our hands … we are faced with the decision … do we fight, flight or freeze?
Sometimes we take flight, like a bird bolting south to escape the treacherous conditions of winter. Sometimes we freeze, as though our body, mind and spirit are in solitary confinement with no chance of parole. And sometimes, when we’re willing and able to face the universal enemy we call FEAR, we fight … with a will so strong it ignites the strength and stamina to allow us to reach our full potential.
If we don’t choose the fight, and surrender to FEAR, we deny ourselves the ability to experience the power of our greatness and fail to honor all of the times we’ve proven that what is necessary to succeed and persevere exists within us. We discredit what we’ve learned and gained from making ourselves vulnerable, regardless of the outcome. Some of the greatest learning moments in life are the result of failure. In the words of Brene Brown, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change. Vulnerability takes courage; the courage to show up and let ourselves be seen.”
In all of the “first” examples that I referenced, the outcomes of those events ended up being some of the most monumental, life changing experiences of my life. If I had taken flight or froze, I would have been devoid of the essence of who I am and what I deserve to have in life: I married a wonderful man who is now my lifelong partner; I am the mother of two beautiful daughters who I know credit me for at least some of their own greatness; I not only graduated college but went on to earn my Master’s Degree; I discovered my true passion, educating, mentoring and leading others; and, without a doubt, I found my professional “home” as the owner of a company that empowers others to achieve greatness.
“Firsts” can be scary and often require stepping outside of our comfort zones. It’s the “first” step outside of the walls that confine us that provides the opportunity to be all that we are and all that we can be. We owe it to ourselves to be vulnerable and take the journey towards our ultimate destination.
If you want something you’ve never had, you’ve got to do something you’ve never done…
Dina Maloney is a personal development coach, business consultant, educator, and motivational speaker as well as the co-founder of EPIC Coaching and Consulting, a firm that Empowers People through Insight and Change. The company assists people who are ready to evaluate themselves and/or their businesses, create a plan for improvement and make the necessary changes for maximum results.