When I was growing up, from time to time my father would share words of wisdom about how to be successful in life. He would randomly throw one out; two to three lines for me to consider. No explanation given, no signs to look for, no steps to take. They just sat there, waiting for life to teach me their significance. Of all the pieces of advice he gave, a few stand out. Through trial and error, I’ve realized the implication of each and the impact they’ve had on various aspects of my life.
The first, “Never rely on a man.” When he said it, I thought, “I’ve got this…” Hmmm. No I didn’t. I stumbled a few times – ok, maybe more than a few. And each time was painful. But no pain, no gain, and today I realize how much I learned from the errors of my ways. I now know what it means to have an equitable relationship.
The second, “When you start your career, be the first one to arrive and the last one to leave.” Eureka! An action I could take that had no hidden meaning. Or so I thought. I now understand it wasn’t about the action. It was about demonstrating work ethic, taking initiative and establishing reliability, accountability and responsibility.
The third, “When you accept a job, don’t do so without determining whether you are accepting the title or the position.” As a twenty-something, wet behind the ears professional I was stumped. And once again, my father said it, smiled and walked away, leaving me to work it out on my own. This one took me some time to truly understand, but when I did, it changed the course of my career, redirected the path of my life, and led me to my authentic, credible and empowered self. The journey was long, but the lessons I learned by the time I reached the final destination were invaluable.
Throughout my career, I accepted numerous titles, irrationally believing that as each one increased in status, the more credible I became. In reality, it did the exact opposite, moving me farther away from who I truly was, personally and professionally. I refer to this time in my life as BAD – Before Authentic Dina. With each advancement, my workload grew, the number of people I managed increased (notice I didn’t say led) and my commitment to being true to myself diminished. I liken it to the people you see at a buffet that create the Mount Everest of food. They have no idea what is on their plate; their sole focus is to get as much food on it as possible. Similarly, my plate was beyond full and I was clueless as to what was on it. Operating in alignment with my title, the objective was to pile as much on it as possible and then get the job done. Unfortunately, like the food on overflowing buffet plates, everything blended together; and just as you’re not able to taste the uniqueness of each ingredient, I was unable to discern between the individuality and distinctiveness of each person and task.
But then … my day of reckoning. I was proudly working my title, checking items off my list – and adding new ones along the way – when I swept past one of my employees who said, “You’re very task-oriented, aren’t you?” Whether it was the way she said it or the fact that it was out there, the short, yet powerful, observation burned through me like salt on an open wound. My first instinct was to agree with conviction, which I did, and then move on. But I did so with a heavy heart and a muddled mind. That statement served as a mirror in front of me and I didn’t like the reflection staring back. It was then that the meaning of my father’s words became crystal clear. I accepted the “title.” I was operating in alignment with a job description that in no way represented the type of leader I wanted to be.
That day was my awakening. I realized I needed to find my “position,” one that would allow me to operate in alignment with my passion to have a meaningful and enduring impact on the lives of others. The revelation ignited my commitment to lead people to make the necessary changes that allow them to be the best versions of themselves. Today, which I now refer to as the REAL period of my life – Redirected to an Empowered and Authentic Life – my plate it still full, but I know exactly what is on it. And each person and task get my full attention and investment. I now realize that credibility isn’t established because of a title or a plaque on the wall. It is earned when you find and accept the position. For me that means focusing on the way I make others feel, which in turn, changes what they do.
Thanks, dad.